Audrey

Never short-changed yourself.

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 15:42:41 GMT

I have a good boss.

I don't know about you, but I do.

In the midst of discouragement, I finally know that they're somebody who actually pay attention to your well-being, to your emotions, and most important, to your value.

Yes, it's true, if you can't walk properly, then don't try to be the world-record champion that you want to be badly and win the fucking olympic race, because you'll probably land on your effing delicate face and my, ain't that painful.

What more about flying? It does not happened that way.

An earthling must go through maybe countless times of trial and obstacles to make it, you need to be seasoned by all this things in order to know how to make it.

Take it one step at a time.

At least, quoted by my boss, never short-changed yourself.

No one will be an obstacle to high for you to overcome, my future is how I make of it.

These other people you thought that's gonna bring you down are only those that will get you there.

Why compare yourself with someone else on the criteria which you know your experience in life does not compare? Compare yourself with others on your strength, like your youth, your time, your drive, your passion.

It is only in the midst of difficulties, you mould yourself into a better person, be it in general or in career.

I have a good boss, and I'm thankful. What other people think about you does not matter, but the value that your boss sees in you does.

Strive for that person your boss think you are, that's how you repay them.

In these area, there's only two categories of people.

One your superior ala bosses, others enemies or passers-by in life that will get you to your intended destination. There's no ally, but your value and strength will be.

I have a good boss, what about you?

Your reap what you sow earlier.

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 15:41:52 GMT

There's a fact about me that maybe you should know.

I seek vengeance.

Yes. It's true, I may forgive, but I never forget.

If, today you try to pull me down, try to get me out, for no fucks reason, I don't know why.

But bear in your maggot-filled mind.

I may raise my white flag today, thinking peace-keeping should come first.

or merely to withhold my integrity and reputation.

or probably because I AM NOTHING now. I got no choice, but to succumb to a bully.

But, you better pray hard to GOD daily, that I'll never make it in life.

Because if I do - you'll regret the fucking day you're born.

Because I'll make your life so painful that it's better for you to live in hell.

Trust me, if I ever come back bigger and stronger,

I'll pay you right back in the fucking face, ten times worse.

Think about it, before you mock me, think about it, before you insult me,

Think about it, before you walk all over me, because these footprints ain't gonna leave until I stomp my heels on your fucking eyeballs.

And yes, I'm cruel like that. I don't see a reason why to be merciful to those who does not practice mercy.

If, you're good to me, I'll pay you right back with gratitude and appreciation instantly,

and I'll repay you in any way even if it requires my sacrifice in future.

You do me good, I'll do you good, You wanna do shit? Bear the consequences later.

You try to break me into half now? Fine. So be it, I'll smash you into pieces later.

Simple as that.

If you want me to die now, I'll make sure I'll hang on to you till the day I see you breathe your last air and laugh heartily as I see you looking at me with those disgusting pathetic gaze asking for what? mercy? It's exhilariting.

Look, I'm having my own sweet time, burning your picture now.

I'm not complicated.

I'm simple like that - You reap what you sow earlier on. =)

Good job for now, keep it up.

Just pray hard I won't make it, because in the midst of breaking my spirit, you're building it too.

I won't rest until the day I see my heels inside your eyeballs.

Maybe if I'm in a good mood, I'll pick a branded one. For your eyes only.

Cool? :)

25 things you might not know about me.

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 21:50:03 GMT

1. You probably wouldn't know or believe that she's quite mature for her age even if her superficial facade says otherwise. Sometimes, her stupidity are on purpose so you would be least threaten if you're plotting against her then she'll revert the same plot against you, and yes she's complicated like that.

2. You probably wouldn't know that she has a history of fxcked up family background infiltred with violence and hurts.

3. You probably wouldn't know that these are also the factors that made her the person she is today.

4. You probably wouldn't know that she was in depression few years back and live a life with no daylight because she just don't see any.

5. You probably wouldn't know that she has a blog which acts as a personal journal to record all depressive or awesome moments in her life for her own perusal where hardly anyone reads it and she like it the way it is.

6. You probably wouldn't know that she don't actually believe in love anymore and find independence more practical. But this concept might change. Only God knows when.

7. You probably wouldn't know that the reason she doesn't like sugary stuff and soft drinks is due to an attempt of aggressive diet where she refused to take sugar at all when she was way younger and her system adapted to it naturally and she's really really no longer a sweet tooth ever since.

8. You probably wouldn't know that she have low self esteem on some days and think she's goddamn gorgeous on others. Haha.

9. You probably wouldn't know that the reason she went back to her internship company for work was because she's awe-inspired by someone she truly respect.

10. You probably wouldn't know that she only gave herself 8 years to make it, and even if this means sacrificing alot of other things people think is important like personal time and rest.

11. You probably wouldn't know that her favourite quotes are "there's no one in this world you can't live without except yourself and God" , "when there's a way, there's a will", " life's a beauty I call bitch" and lastly " if you can defeat someone without that person even knowing it, you've made it in life."

12. You probably wouldn't know that she can write and secretly wants to be a novelist and write stories based on second world war time frame. Which she wrote a short piece of novella with the same theme before, but screw-loose and asshag malaysians who only read an average of half a page a year think it's too wordy and merely scroll down from her page when they see it. They just don't appreciate books and creativity.

13. You probably wouldn't know and believe that one of her favourite things to do is read a really good book and collect them, she'll skin anyone who tamper with her books because she simply love them more than you.

14. You probably wouldn' know that she's a retired dancer and gave up her passion because she knows it's not a field to promise her good life in future.

15. You probably wouldn't know that she wanted to be a biomedical scientist, doctor or nurse before because of her love for human mechanism and end up in advertising but yet never regretted any bits of it.

16. You probably wouldn't know of the constant love-hate relationship she has with myself and family.

17. You probably wouldn't know that even with her strong facade she just simply shun away when she's bullied.

18. You probably wouldn't know that when she receive a hard reality, she'll choose to avoid it and be in denial until she's comfortable and confident enough to come out from her shell.

19. You probably wouldn't know that although she prefers independence, once in awhile she wish she has a comrade, a true friend, soul mate and a shoulder to lean on because she's still a girl in the inside.

20. You probably wouldn't know that she has dress and heels fetish and end up spending all her money on it and live on indo mee literally later. lmao.

21. You probably wouldn't know that she appreciates literature, history and culture; prefers to travel to foreign places with historical and culturalistic context than mere urban metropolitans with shopping skyscrappers.

22. You probably wouldn't know that she's actually a person with high tolerance and patience even if this means triggering bawls of laughter by you now but the truth will remains the truth. People who knew her enough knows it.

23. You probably wouldn't know that she's a really good listener, councelor and analyse situation with objective, neutral and rationality. You can laugh now.

24. You probably wouldn't know that she's fearful in working now not due to late working hours but due to the reason she felt stupid because she can't seem to help out much amidst chaos and tension among her own team. She's afraid she'll make things worse and is trying very hard to avoid that; and yes she's very hard on herself that way.

25. You probably wouldn't know that she had a hard time progressing from a student to a working adult and had created much hostility when she connote her notion to mass and no one seems to be able to comprehend her and thinks she's fxcked up the way she is.

As I Like it - (Act II, Scene 7, 139�42. Shakespeare)

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 12:06:04 GMT

"All the world's a stage,

and all the men and women merely players:

they have their exits and their entrances;

and one man in his time plays many parts..."

As I Like it - (Act II, Scene 7, 139�42.)

Shakespeare.

-------------------------------

Who are you? A woman ought to be present at this time to make a difference or otherwise?
Who are you? A man ought to be here to do this world better? Likewise?

Everyone plays a role, there's inevitably main cast, the happening, attractive successful ones.
The sidekicks, less stunning, maybe a lilttle more introvert or ordinary.

Some are villains, attempting to make your world a living hell so you know what's the good on the other side.

If you ask me, I would rather be the main cast but if I know I do not fit the bill, I'll opt for the villains, anything but moderate.

Just cause I do not want and will never want to be overlooked. I rather die with a painful life so everyone can hear my story than to die by the roadside and no one will even turn their ignorant heads to pity you. Enough said.

I will not settle for less.

I had enough of money issues. I'm not living in poverty mind you. But I had enough of admiring people walking into branded stores and walked out swiftly with exquisite paperbags hanging by their shoulders with that disgusting satisfied grin on their thousand dollars worth head! Fuck that.

Quoted Shakespeare - As I like it.

I may sound like a money-faced bxtch now but as long as I, yours truly did not burn your house, stranggle your stupid dog, or murder your family you have no rights to talk, look or stare me down.
If money ain't important, what's your education for? Or if you have none, what's your job for? Don't tell me to just merely survive, that's bullcrap, money is for you to at least get a taste of how a life can be enjoyed rather laboured youself to death not knowing what luxury is. I rebuked this.

If you managed to walked me over today, by all means I'll happily let you do so, I can only blame myself for trusting, or overlooking you as well as for my naiveness and lack of efficiency. But bear in your mind, once bitten twice shy, once a mistake, second's a lesson, then by third point's taken. I will strive harder to walk you over twice or maybe thrice, depending on my mood. This is me.

What's your role? The all loving main cast with all the money, attraction and success an idealist made up whom of course realist like me do not believe exist, an average sidekick living an average life, or a villain? kicking other asses so you can make it better than them and walks out of branded stores with exquisite paperbags hung on your shoulder with that satisfied albeit disgusting grin on your face? Your call.

Me? Defininately the latter option.

If I have to sacrifice someone ain't outstanding,ordinary and unbenificial in order to make it, trust me. I will. Period.

But if you're a trusted ally or even a friend, that's a different case. You fall into a neutral ambiguous category.

Have a nice day.

Water. My element.

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 12:12:27 GMT

My feelings contradicts with myself so much, there's discrepancies running through my bloodstream, pumping nothing but uncertainties, confusion and most of all fear.

What one might ask and yours truly will answer future.

I got a notice about a job interview, seems like a good prospect if you minus the late devil's hour, hostility, competitiveness and vulgarities, I bet you even the perks of free ciggarettes is not going to soothe me from my stress and exhaustion.

But, it is invevitably what others expect me to do, especially when economy is slowing down. So they ask me to count myself lucky. Or am I?

Little did they know, the stress will probably eat me up from inside out and back inside again. The thought of that makes me shiver a little. Sigh..

But however, as I stared at the ceiling brankly, my semi-malfunctioned brain somehow browsed through all the books I'ved read and Memoirs of a Geisha came to my mind.

The ,ain character born with too much water in her causing her to have a pair of unsual blue eyes signifying the water that is flowing insider her.

Little did she know that it will become her best ally through life ordeal.

Water, a source of life, quenching our thirst to survive, to function, or to merely exist. It generates power for mankind, contributing to technology, building countries.

If you take a look back history, great dynasties, empires or metropolitons are all started from the very basic need of humankind, a source of water, near a river. It is the universal medium for any organism to exist.

However, as serene and calm water may seem, it's power and ability is not to be overlooked, its power of destruction causing catastrophes, disasters, typhoons, tsunamis, conquering the earth, taking with it uncountable innocent lives on every inches of land it washes by. Such elements is capable of sending terrors, causing maccabres, just by its will, it has the ability to make you lose everything overnight.

Water, not restrcited by any forms or shapes. It is able to transcend through all slits and cracks of rocks, maneuvering itself through trials and difficulties. It has no permanent form, adapting to any mold or potter to just survive.

Just when water evaporates to thin air, into nothingness, as if it didn't exist anymore, but given a slight chnce of cold temperature, it will come back bigger an stronger, maybe as storms sending chaos to earthlings, or by its goodwill fertiling crops for us. It's power for life or for destruction and its high ability to adapt to any situation as well as the ability to find a way out just when you thouht it reaches a dead end is not something like you or me, so-called homosapiens with high intelligence is able to underestimate, because until now, when human are sent to the moon, achieving nothing but mere cock and bull controversial theories, we are still solely dependent on water.

I've figured it out. Water is the element to survive.
I shall be what water shall be.

I will use this to my advantage, striving myself through the uncertain paths infront of me. Until I see the bright light.

This is me. Water, my element.
How about you?

Have a nice day.

The reason why you shouldn't hold a birthday party in a club.

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 19:39:19 GMT

Okay.

This year has got to be one of the most embarassing birthday I had so far.

I won't b all goddie angel and keep it from you because at the end of the post if you're disgusted by me? Screw you then, I can't make everyone love me, I'm not perfect, but neither are you. =)

Okay!

First of, a lilttle disclaimer, it was my birthday! People tend to go crazy by pestering birthday girl to drink multiple bottoms up at one go, pouring seconds of raw whiskey down your throat, top it up with double flamings for a grand friggin finale. Thank God they spare me the tequila. Seriously, you can't blame me. Wtf.

1) I ran to washroom multiple times, hoping I'll expel all this demons call whiskey outta my system but to no avail.. I end up caressing the toilet bowl as if it's my new lover or something, hugging it to sleep. wtf. Thank God it was surprisingly clean that day, God must have been on my side that evening.

2) I did not puked in the washroom, I end up puking on the leg of a friend. Need I say more?

3) I can't stand straight, I can't dance, what can be worse than that?

4) I know what, when someone actually carried you out of the club.

5) You somehow decided to lie down on the friggin floor for awhile, if not for friends who hold you up to the couch.

6) You slept on the mamak table when you're supposed to sober up.

7) Everything was a vertigo. It's sooo terrible I wanna cry I tell you.

8) I shouldn't have told God so many times why I haven't have any fantastic bombastic blast for a birthday before, I wish I can take back my words.

On the brighter note, I got no hangover! Woot!? I woke up at 7.30am to bathe and I started to read the novel I left off the previous night. I'm super or what?

By the way, personal thanks to Eugene and Gary for carrying me this pig outta the club and looked after me and got me home safely.

Thank Leon for attending me in the toilet and wherever I wander to *shifty eye* and also those time you debate incoherant nonsense with me when I'm drunk, only you can do that seriously. Lmao!

Thank Denise for her sincerity and kindness and simply put it, for your friendship.
Thank Ignes my baby for organizing it and her graceful presence, miss her so goddamn much.

Thank you Sean for layaning me when I was speaking incoherent gibberish.

Sorry for the trouble I've caused, especially Gary. *smile sheepishly*

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. <3

Bottomline is, I love yall very very much! xoxo.

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p/s - If any future comments contain any means of hostility, unfriendly criticism or insult, this entry will be remove instantly.

Bon Voyage Max!

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 16:00:52 GMT

Max.

This is for you.

As you walk this new journey as another chapter of life,

make it worth your memories.

Because you've made my memories worthwhile.

Wouldn't be the same without my sons around during this time.

Now I can look back and at least smile about our Big 2 session.

When you face obstacles, remember,

it's just another step to make you stronger.

Looking forward to seeing you again.

Rock Singapore's socks off with your presence aite! :)

Bon Voyage

and Adios for now! :)

Happy Birthday Gene! :)

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 15:40:23 GMT

Happy 20th Birthday!

Another year older, another year wiser yea. ;)

Cherish those time we had spent together.

Fond memories indeed. :)

For now, embark on a new journey and leave your teen years behind.

I'm sure you'll do just fine. :)

Embarkment of a new start.

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 12:10:15 GMT

I wonder if you ever realized, in this world there's so much more essence undiscovered, maybe every encounter, obstacles or opportunities are parts and puzzle of what an earthling like us are to do in order to create another harmonious equilibrium to world order. A pattern so complicated yet so fine, I bet that God must've had a good time watching over us.

Somebody told me, "lets end the year with a bang!" albeit in a joking manner.
Silly as it is, but it reflects a purpose, it reflects an intention to end this year well, for the sake of great memories to ponder on and smile as you think about it in years to come. Such words exude positivism, which is great to hear once in awhile when you're a harcore realist. When you're a Capricorn.

In 3 hours, I will need to leave another year behind me, no longer Forever 21, no longer a fresh new adult, no more skipping classes, challeging lecturers, no more peeps you love to see everyday as well as people you resent to even smell them a mile away and curse the very bloody day they were born. Most of all, no more Subang, how odd is that? I just couldn't translate it into my system yet, the fact I no longer live in Subang seems surreal. But it's going to be temporary, bet me.

In year 2009, it's not going to be any other year I brush off lightly. This year it holds much more meaning, much more cross paths, as well as responsibilities. In year 2009, I officially embark into a total different journey or chapter of life, the question of whether will I be able to make it in society will find its answer soon enough.

I made sure I hold this belief true to my heart, "no matter what the consequences, it is not a matter of will I be able to make it, but when will I make it." I shall not settle for less, it is out of the question. But I also understand this means it comes with sacrifices. Now, as the clock ticks the year away, I'm constantly reminding myself, sacrifice now, and reap later.

There's a sky high ladder I need to climb, I'm getting myself prepared with muscle anagelsic balm, isotonic solution and rope, just in case I slip and fall, at least I still have a plan B to continue this marathon, or else the rope should come in quite handy to hang myself, *laugh* or maybe someone else when they come in your way :) I'm racing against myself and time. I have 8 years. Only 8 years. Hopefully my drive, determination and passion is enough for me to beat this best time. Wish me luck :)

Catch you later! I've got a ladder to climb, not a party to attend you dumbo! ;)

Have a nice day.

Good Luck.

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 08:45:25 GMT

I'm tired of trying to defend myself.
Apparently no matter how hard I try,
the same people will still have a misconception about me.

Okay. Fine.

Think what you want to think,
Because at the end of the day no one wins.
Life moves on.

I'd be honest,
I'm indeed sad when I saw you said what you said.
Never knew you saw me as such.

But,

I may be pissed or upset now,
But I'm sure one day all these will be vague in memory.
It doesn't matter.

If you think I'm a bitch, a slut, lowlife, parasites.
So be it.

Those around you,
hearing your stories,
I just don't bother anymore.

I ain't the person you think I am,
But I just found out,
you ain't the person I thought you are too.

Don't bother commenting,
I'll delete them anyway.

I simply hope that you can respect this space,
Because this is a sacred refuge to me,
It took me through happy times and times of trials.

I'll wish you luck in all undertakings,
hopefully you'll make it better than me.
So you won't feel as agitated by me anymore.